the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
