Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
All the doctor said was why
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
