How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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