who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
