I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
