I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
