OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
