his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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