I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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