Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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