So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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