I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
