you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
