You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
