You're my little dorito
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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