I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I see more hoeing in ur future
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