tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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