p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
