Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
