Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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