the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
