flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
