It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
