dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
