Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
