She's JV to your varsity
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
