did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
