He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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