I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
