trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
