saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
