I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
This baby is an asshole
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
