somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
