I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
