Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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