just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
