Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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