Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
did i walk over a car last night?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
