You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Randomize
