**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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