Cold hands, warm shart.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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