It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She needs sedatives and a leash
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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