I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
