Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
