Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
