Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
