they need to just BURY HIM!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Vodka?
Forever.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
