Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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