if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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