What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
